Peer Review
Peer Review: November 4, 2015
Peer Reviewed by Julia Gorday For Megan McGuire
Who is the author’s audience? Be as specific as possible. Try to identify things like their location, age, political leanings, perhaps even sex/gender. Some of those may not be so apparent on the surface. You may have to do some serious digging.
-The author’s audience appear to be everyone in society.
Do you think their audience could be any more specific? If so, how?
-I believe that the audience could be more specific. Rather than just talking to everyone, perhaps the author could talk specifically to those who are suffering from obesity and explain some of the many social aspects that could have affected their predicament. This will give the paper more of a focus.
What are they doing right now to cater to that audience? How can you tell?
-The author is catering to the audience by providing examples and quotes that help the audience relate to the information.
What else could they do to reach and engage with their audience? Give at least two specific examples.
-The author could do their best to provide the audience with alternate methods to dealing with the social aspect that is causing the obesity in society.
Ex1: The author could provide a possible solution for the schools taking away gym as a result of underfunding.
Ex2: The author could provide another solution for those parents who can’t take their kids on walks due to the bad neighborhoods.
Look at the sources they’ve used. How many heavy academic sources do they have? Mainstream? Do you think that’s appropriate for their topic? Why or why not?
-The author needs to include their sources in the paper, both academic and mainstream to show the research done in the paper.
Do they include everyday voices? Which voice do you think their audience will relate the most to? Why?
-No they don’t include everyday voices. The closest everyday voice given are quotes by famous people such as Bill Gates, because he is a real person, however he isn’t an “every day person.”
Can you think of any voices in the conversation that are missing? Try to think of at least one viewpoint that isn’t considered in the paper right now.
-This paper needs more everyday voices, perhaps they could include someone’s qhuote who is suffering from obesity.
Look at how quotes are integrated into paragraphs. Is there a good balance between lengthy quotes, smaller quotes, and paraphrases? Does the writer quote too much or too little?
-There are a few quotes, and they are a good size. I think that there could be a few extra quotes to bring more than just an academic viewpoint.
Find one space where a quote could be better weaved into the writer’s own ideas. Recommend an edit to the writer.
-The writer should include a quote in the paragraph written about income by someone who has struggled between money issues and healthy eating. This quote could be about someone who had to choose money over healthy eating and have that person describe what went on in their mind while making this decision.
